Arsenal's upcoming away Champions League qualifier in Italy (also see 'What's Up Media?', © C. John, Wednesday 3rd November 2010 !!!!!MEDIA - OFFER STILL STANDS!!!!!) offers up the intriguing possibility of a situation in which a football player desires something that can only be attained by not actually being in that footballing scenario, the logical paradox made famous in the famous wartime football novel Catch-22. Rumours abound that Arsenal will sign Lille's Eden Hazard as a replacement for feuding's Samir Nasri only if they qualify for the Champions League proper. Hazard is from Belgium, which is near France, and, according to a punter on this week's World Football Phone-in, is the cousin of Thomas Vermaelen, though this might have been a misunderstanding caused by the words young people use these days to relate to one another. Lille, however, are already in the Champions League proper so he might want to stay put. Meanwhile, Nasri will sign for Manchester City only if he's not made ineligible for the Champions League proper by playing in the non-proper match in Udine (or Udinese, as 'televison analyst' Ray Parlour had it) - and Arsenal will sign Hazard only if Nasri is sold. For now though, they know that their chances of beating Udinese will be respectively increased or decreased significantly by the presence or absence of Nasri.
Nasri is 'unfit to fly' (potentially cup-tied) as he is 'insane' (wants to sign for City). However, his wish to 'not fly' is evidence of his apparent 'sanity' (knowledge that the move will not go through should he get himself cup-tied), and, should he 'request an evaluation' (refuse to play), 'Squadron Leader' Arsene Wenger may choose to not sell him out of spite. 'Captain' Hazard, therefore, will only be brought in to 'fly his (Nasri's) missions' (be signed by Arsenal) should Nasri be cup-tied (mad - and Arsenal win) and have refused to play (requested evaluation - and signed by City), WHICH CAN'T HAPPEN.
This seems a rare example of a genuine footballing logical paradox, not the more common 'Alan Shearer Catch-22', whereby, for instance, "he geets stick if he seines pleiyas and they flop man but then he geets stick if he spends nah cash, it's Catch 22 man."